Music Video: “Geia”–Despina Vandi

An easy choice of music today but a bit of a rough week.  My beautiful cousin passed away in a car accident last weekend and I’ve chosen this song in her honour.  She was an award-winning dancer who spoke several languages including Greek, Spanish, Italian, Hebrew and English.  Hundreds of people attended her funeral on Monday including many of her dance and art pupils.  I chose this song because it makes me happy and I can just imagine that she is teaching the angels to dance right now.

Despina Vandi is a phenomenally popular Greek singer and “Geia” is one of her biggest hits.  This track was playing everywhere when we visited Turkey in 2008. 

Singer/Songwriter Stuart Newman: Pushing the Boundaries and Expanding Horizons

Stuart Newman is a musician on a mission to explore his musical talents and expand his horizons.  Hailing from Brighton, England, this unsigned artist has already released his debut album Single But Defective which he wrote, produced and recorded in his own home-based studio.  Single But Defective is a collection of thirteen tracks ranging in style from acoustic, Jack Johnson-like sounds to the sinister chords in the instrumental track “Atmosphere”.  Single But Defective is available to download free from StuartNewmanMusic.com.

Recently, Stuart has released a series of demos that are also available to download free from his website.  The difference in style and production between Single But Defective and the later demos is remarkable and I asked Stuart about his journey and what might have contributed to that change. 

Stuart agreed that the change was significant as he had recorded the new material in a proper studio.  He explains that working in a studio is a different kind of fun to recording at home, but that he was seeking a bigger and fuller sound.  “I went into the studio to move my creative ambitions forward, and it did,” he says of his recording experience. “I wanted a sound that matched my progression as a songwriter and captured my progresses and hinted at things to come. I certainly got that in my opinion.”

 

This is significant in more ways than one and hints at what artists can achieve if they have access to the right resources.  Artists often need to work within the boundaries of financial and practical restrictions, but it takes a stronger breed of recording artist to push through those boundaries and adopt a ‘needs must’ attitude.  Stuart refers to the famous Pablo Picasso quote which goes like this: “If they took away my paints I’d use pastels. If they took away my pastels I’d use crayons. If they took away my crayons I’d use pencils. If they stripped me naked and threw me in prison I’d spit on my finger and paint on the walls.”  Stuart explains that he is doing his utmost to reach the ‘paints’ level and that has underscored his development from songwriter and artist to becoming a producer.

Naturally, resources come easier once an artist is signed but it is often at the cost of their artistic freedom and integrity.  It is a narrow line that an artist needs to walk in deciding whether to sign or not.  “As an unsigned artist all you’re doing, it seems to me, is getting into a position where having access to ‘reasonable resource’ isn’t a reason that is holding you back. By resource I mean, financial, access to the right environment, access to work with people at the right standard and so on and so forth,” explains Stuart.  “I want to get into a position where I succeed or fail on my talent and artistic ability, not because I couldn’t afford an extra day in the studio”.

Stuart Newman is certainly not lacking in talent and artistic ability.  In the studio, he sings and plays guitar, assisted by the engineers on drums and effects.  It is his lyrics that are Stuart’s strongest point though.  With so many artists openly admitting to little or no meaning behind their lyrics, it is refreshing to see Stuart weave a story in his songs.

I’m too self-conscious and I’m conscious of the fact,
I’m facing my fears, by showing them my back,
And the emperor’s getting cold – “Feel the Temperature Rising”

Of the lyrics, Stuart says, “I’m a massive fan of lyrics in music, and it’s lyrics in music that tend to make me adore a song. I love writing lyrics too, it’s one of the true ways to express your identity and prove your originality.”  It is through his lyrics that Stuart’s influences come through the strongest and I see hints of The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel and Radiohead.  The lyrics for both Single But Defective and the demos are available on Stuart’s website under Stuff/Lyrics.

 

“Feel the Temperature Rising” is the first of the new demos that Stuart has recorded and Stuart is offering it as a free download.  With its slow, searching introduction and build up to a moody and ominous climax, it immediately reminded me of Radiohead. 

“Feel the Temperature Rising” (mp3)*

Never mind the temperature, Stuart’s star is rising and I look forward to seeing new recordings in the future. As he continues to push the boundaries and expand his horizons, it is surely only a matter of time before a label signs him up.

You can catch up with Stuart Newman on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace,YouTube and Last.fm.

Photo credits Nicolai Amter.

* This is a legal download provided by the artist to post and share. If there is any question of an infringement of copyright, please contact me at TheMediaAddict at gmail dot com and I will remove links immediately.

Article first published as Singer/Songwriter Stuart Newman: Pushing the Boundaries and Expanding Horizons on Blogcritics.

Music Review: Klaxons – Surfing the Void

Artist: Klaxons Album: Surfing the Void Label: Polydor  Release date: 23 August 2010 Genre: Dance-punk Rating: 2/5 stars

When Klaxons burst on to the UK music scene in 2006, they took everyone by surprise.  They were edgy, bold and daring and critics scrambled as they tried to box them into one particular genre.  They failed as Klaxons fitted into neither the indie rock or dance punk genres and soon the nu rave term was coined.  Forever arrogant and avant-garde, Klaxons tried unsuccessfully to distance themselves from the nu rave label, but the more they tried, the more they became champions of the scene.

Their debut album Myths of the Near Future was one of the strongest debut albums to hit the English indie music scene in years.  It featured ten energetic and manic tracks that were massive hits on dance floors across the country.  Klaxons live shows were legendary with the band performing in increasingly bizarre outfits, while their surreal lyrics had fans rushing to read the works of Richard Brautigan and J. G. Ballard. 

The accolades and awards began to stream in during 2007 as Klaxons won Best New Band at the NME Awards, XFM’s Live Breakthrough Act, and the 2007 Mercury Music Prize for Myths of the Near Future.  By early 2008, Klaxons were kings of the indie rock scene as they won the NME Award for Best Album for Myths of the Near Future. 

Shortly thereafter, Klaxons virtually disappeared from the scene and began to record their next album.  A couple of new tracks began to surface at live gigs and fans generally liked the edgy sounds of the tracks, including “Valley of the Calm Trees”.  Disaster struck in March 2009 however, when NME reported that the label had shelved the sophomore Klaxons album and forced them to re-record it.  Vocalist and frontman Jamie Reynolds was quoted as saying "Yes [we were asked to re-record part of the album]. Because we've made a really dense, psychedelic record. We've made a really heavy record and it isn't the right thing for us, I understand and know that. First and foremost we're a pop band. I haven't thought about that for a long time, and now it's in the forefront of my mind."

It was the first signs of what would become death by record label.

The next sign came while watching Klaxons live on stage at Exit Festival in July 2010.  Gone were the crazy costumes, the stage theatrics and the massive personalities.  Instead, there were four nicely dressed, well-behaved lads singing perfectly nice tunes.  The tracks from Myths of the Near Future sounded watered down and tame, while the new material lacked soul or personality.

It is safe to say that when Surfing the Void was finally released in August 2010, I felt underwhelmed.  I wasn’t sure what to think really.  Klaxons had been my favourite band for close to four years and yet the album was simply disappointing.  I tried as hard as I could to push through those feelings as there were numerous albums that I had initially disliked (including all of the Pixies albums) but had then grown to love above all others.  I began a period of listening to Surfing the Void repeatedly, trying to make it grow on me.

That was when I had the most shocking revelation: I wasn’t just bored or underwhelmed with the album, I hated the first six tracks.  Title track “Surfing the Void” and “Extra Astronomical” were the worst.  Jamie Reynolds’s vocals began to grate on my nerves and the tracks seemed to make my ears bleed.  Now I like my music loud, edgy and noisy.  The Klaxons track “Magick” will go down as one of my favourite tracks of all time and the new Does It Offend You, Yeah? album Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You is probably my album of the year for 2011.  It is not that the first six tracks are noisy, they are just whiny-sounding ghosts of the tracks they could have been and would have been were it not for record label interference.  The best example of this is “Valley Of The Calm Trees” which sounded great live but lost all of it’s charm once it was recorded.

The album definitely picks up in the second half and “Twin Flames”, “Flashover”, “Future Memories” and “Cypherspeed” are good tracks but none of those songs is an absolutely winner.  There were two tracks on Myths of the Near Future that didn’t become my favourite song at one time or other as all of the others became firm favourites to be played over and over again.  None of the last four songs on Surfing the Void has that “play to death” quality.

Admittedly, it is difficult to see where Klaxons will go from here.  The band recently cancelled their upcoming US tour which was to have included an appearance at Coachella.  Fans had accepted that they needed to go louder and bold for their sophomore album but they landed up being tamed by their label.  Can they recover from this and return with a third album to take the scene by storm?  I doubt it.  If you look at their promo photos, it looks like the light has gone out of Jamie Reynolds’s eyes while James Righton and Simon Taylor-Davis have long looked like they’d prefer to be somewhere else.  Who knows? A follow up album couldn’t be much worse. 

It took a long time to finally admit to the disappointment of Surfing the Void but I give the album two out of five stars.

If you really feel you must, you can purchase Surfing the Void at Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com.  I’d recommend streaming the whole album first though, just to be sure: Stream: Klaxons - Surfing the Void.

You’ll be a lot happier if you buy Myths of the Near Future instead at Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com.

Article first published as Music Review: Klaxons - Surfing the Void on Blogcritics.

Music Video: Cast–“Sandstorm"

Noel Gallagher of Oasis once described watching Cast live as a "religious experience" and they were labelled "The Who of the 90's".  Hailing from Liverpool, England, Cast burst onto the scene at the height of the Britpop explosion and their 1995 album All Change became Polydor’s best selling album.

“Sandstorm” is one of those iconic, epic songs.  At the beginning of 1996, I was living and working  at a pub in Liverpool.  “Sandstorm” was playing everywhere and it will always remind me of that happy, confident, fearless time.  I love that you can just hear vocalist John Power’s Liverpudlian accent in the song.

I’ll never forget waking up on the plane on my way back to Johannesburg.  The sun was streaming through the windows on the left side of the plane and I was listening to “Sandstorm” on the inflight entertainment.  I felt on top of the world as we touched down in South Africa and I embarked on my post-graduate studies.

Australia’s Strange Talk Release Strange Talk EP

With a laid-back sound as slick and polished as it is bold, Australia’s Strange Talk have been compared to Friendly Fires, Phoenix and Passion Pit.  They are the new arrivals on the electropop scene and their styling, layered anthems are taking the scene by storm.

The two song writers in the band, Stephen Docker and Gerard Sidhu, come from completely different musical backgrounds.  Vocalist Stephen Docker is classically trained and has played violin for the Australian Youth Orchestra while the talent of bassist Gerard Sidhu (a regular on the Melbourne DJ circuit)  lies in the synthesisers and drum machines of electro house music.  The friends decided that they should make music together and that their different backgrounds could produce an accomplished and original sound.

After two months of intense songwriting, the band emerged with the Strange Talk EP which was then mixed and produced by Eliot James (Futureheads, Bloc Party).  The EP consists of four stylish and lush tracks that should tear up dance floors and air waves alike.  There are no weak tracks on the EP and this surely sets the expectation of great achievements from Strange Talk in the future.

To mark the release of the Strange Talk EP, Strange Talk are giving away a free download of the track “Climbing Walls”, the lush  and textured track that featured on Triple J Unearthed in 2010.

“Climbing Walls” (mp3)*

Strange Talk links:

StrangeTalkMusic.com
Strange Talk @ Facebook
Strange Talk @ Twitter
Strange Talk @ Myspace 

Look out for tours dates across Australia this summer and for the first single from the Strange Talk EP “Eskimo Boy”.

Buy the Strange Talk EP at Amazon.co.uk¦ Amazon.com

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* This is a legal download provided by the PR company for us to post and share. If there is any question of an infringement of copyright, please contact me at TheMediaAddict at gmail dot com and I will remove links immediately. Affiliate links are used in this post.

Article first published as Australia’s Strange Talk Release Strange Talk EP on Blogcritics.

Book Review: Magic Study by Maria V. Snyder

Magic Study is the second novel in Maria V. Snyder's popular young adult series, The Study Trilogy.  Despite saving Commander Ambrose's life at the end of Poison Study, the execution order has been upheld and Yelena has fled Ixia and escaped to the land of Sitia.  She must uphold her promise to Master Magician Irys to learn to control her magic or forfeit her life.  Joining them on their journey are several children rescued from General Brazell’s realm at the end of Poison Study.  At the beginning of Magic Study, the travellers arrive at the Zaltana clan and Yelena is reunited with her family fourteen years after being stolen from them.

Her parents are overjoyed to see her, if not a little overprotective, but Yelena encounters hatred and bitter resentment from her brother Leif.  With Irys engaged in returning the last of the stolen children to their families, Yelena heads out with Leif for the Citadel where the council of Sitia are seated.  Consisting of four master magicians plus a representative of each of the eleven tribes of Sitia, the council will decide if Yelena qualifies to become an apprentice in the art of magic at the Citadel. 

However, trouble finds them en route to the Citadel as Leif believes Yelena is a northern Ixian spy and he sells her out to Cahil, the last remaining member of the deposed Ixian royal family.  So it is that Yelena becomes embroiled in a struggle to prove herself to her brother Leif, to Cahil, and to the staff and students at the Citadel.  She is a stranger and an outsider and nothing is familiar to her.

At the same time, Yelena’s considerable magical powers begin to emerge and it becomes clear that she may be the only one who can fight against a surge in attacks against the students at the Citadel.  In a riveting adventure that sees Yelena travel to the distant Avibian Plains and the realm of the Sandseed clan, Yelena fights to uncover the identity of the person committing the attacks before she becomes his next victim.

Magic Study is a worthy sequel to the fantastic Poison Study.  I appreciated the change of setting and found the description of life and society in the Citadel to be as inventive and imaginative as life in the castle in Poison Study.  While Yelena’s relationship with Valek is central to the story, I appreciated the maturity and relative independence in the relationship.  While both Yelena and Valek are incredibly talented in their own fields and no doubt have their strengths, this is a match of equals and not of dependence. 

I loved the description of the desert landscapes, the plains and of the Sandseed clan.  I loved the similarities with Shamanism but also the distinctive social structure and beliefs of the Sandseed people.  I also loved the various aspects of Yelena’s magic and the notion of a soulfinder.

Unfortunately, as brilliant as the story, landscapes and magic were, there were two aspects of the story that I really, really didn’t like.  The first was Yelena’s ability to talk to her horse and the horse’s ridiculous name Kiki.  This aspect of the storyline felt hackneyed and Disneyfied as it was but was compounded by the portrayal of Kiki’s speech and thoughts as broken and monosyllabic.  It was a classic English-centric premise that really irritated me.  Similarly, there was horrible display of middle-class privilege where Yelena singlehandedly solved the problem of poverty and begging street children by teaching the street children a work ethic.  Once taught the value of an honest days’ work, the street children were able to save their families and even obtain work for their parents.  Um, no.  Children should be children and it is not their job to go out, find work and feed their families.

And so it was that a really good novel worthy of five stars became a three-star novel in my opinion.  It is a pity as I know this book could have been better than this.  I did enjoy the ending and the way that the story was resolved and will certainly read the final book in the series, Fire Study, but I have to be honest and admit that I was vaguely disappointed in this one.

Buy Magic Study by Maria V. Snyder at Amazon.co.uk¦ Amazon.com

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Article first published as Book Review: Magic Study by Maria V. Snyder on Blogcritics.

Armand Margjeka Offers Free Download of “Momma”

Armand Margjeka was born in the town of Tropoja, Albania.  He describes his town as “one of the most isolated villages in an isolated country” and makes reference to the oppression and separation that encountered under the Communist regime.  Somehow Armand got his hands on a mix tape of American rock ‘n’ roll and this sent him on a voyage of musical discovery that culminated with him moving to the United States as an exchange student at the age of 17. 

Once he finished his education, Armand moved to Long Island where he worked at a ranch and he began to put all of his time and money into writing and recording his songs.  His recordings were noticed and Armand was initially signed on to an indie music label but the deal was incredibly one-sided and did not favour Armand at all.  He needed to make a move and change direction and landed up in Birmingham, Alabama in 2008.  “I thought I’d stay for a week or two,” explains Armand, “but I got a job, fell in love and started writing and recording new music.”

Through the open mic scene in Birmingham, Armand joined the alt country outfit Buffalo Black and recorded two digital EPs and an eponymous album with them.  Although the music was mostly his own, the band was concentrating on American roots rock and Armand wanted to expand beyond the confines of the Americana sound.

Having spent the past couple of months recording his album, Armand is ready to step out with Margo Margo, his debut album of ten original tracks due for release on August 9, 2011.

To mark the completion of his album and just in time for Mother’s Day, Armand is giving away a track from his upcoming album.  “Momma” is a bittersweet ballad that explores Armand’s separation from his own mother for the past ten years.  It is a conversation between a mother and son, with the son explaining that “I got this thing I got to do / but I swear I’ll make it up to you / for now just look at the moon”. 

“Momma” (mp3)*

Armand Margjeka links:

ArmandMargjeka.com
Armand Margjeka @ Facebook
Armand Margjeka @ Twitter
Armand Margjeka @ Myspace
Armand Margjeka @ Reverbnation

 

Buy Margo Margo at Amazon.co.uk ¦ Amazon.com

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* This is a legal download provided by the PR company for us to post and share. If there is any question of an infringement of copyright, please contact me at TheMediaAddict at gmail dot com and I will remove links immediately. Affiliate links are used in this post.

Article first published as Armand Margjeka Offers Free Download of “Momma” on Blogcritics.

Priest Trailer, Genre Movie Guide and Images

I'm really looking forward to seeing Priest which is rarely a good thing because it usually means that I land up being very, very disappointed.  I definitely think it is the type of film that has to be seen in theatres and I like that it is an atypical comic book movie.

Speaking of genres, they’ve issued a cool Priest genre movie guide today.  The idea is that if you’ve liked any of the major comic book, post apocalyptic, vampire, horror or sci-fi films of the past 30 years, you’re going to love Priest. 

Yes, they have compared Priest to Dark Knight, Blade Runner and Inception.  That is quite a bold comparison to make.  The reviews are in on Rotten Tomatoes but I try not to take reviews too seriously.  I often find that I’m underwhelmed by the most popular films (yes, Dark Knight, I’m talking about you) yet find myself captivated by outsiders like The Cell.  Whatever the verdict, Priest has some exquisite steampunk imagery and outstanding costumes and art design.

Personally, I’m just looking forward to seeing Cam Gigandet on the big screen again.

All images © Sony Pictures

Music Video: Kaizers Orchestra–“Hjerteknuser”

Last week, Self Sagacity commented that I sure have a lot of different music on this site and my first thought was, “Oh, you have no idea”.  Music has played a huge part in my life and I have a massive collection that crosses most genres and spans the period from the 1940s to present day.  Last year I began to expand my horizons even further and learned that in the world of the Internet and Google Translate, language should be no barrier when it comes to discovering great new music.

In the past year, I discovered bands from Serbia, Croatia and Russia but coincidentally, my friend V was on a similar journey and she was busy discovering bands from Norway, Finland and Switzerland.  One of her favourite discoveries has been Norwegian band Kaizers Orchestra.  When V and I got together in December, I finally gave Kaizers Orchestra a good listen and I really liked what I heard.  I’ve listened to them non-stop this past week and have finally got their new album, Violeta Violeta Vol. 1 which was released in January 2011.  The album seems different at first to their other work but I really like it so far.

“Hjerteknuser” (Heartbreaker) is the second single from their new album.   It is a powerful and catchy song about heartbreak and breakups and I think the video has great cinematography and artistic direction too.  It is not hard to see why these guys are topping the Norwegian charts!

 

Photo credit © Paal Audestad

Book Review: The Dragon Book, edited by Jack Dann and Gardner Dozois

Fantastical beings as old as time, crafted from magic and fire: dragons are the legendary creatures of mythology that have captured the dreams and imagination of people for thousands of years.  Dragons have been cast in countless roles and have represented both good and evil, honour and duplicity, wisdom and instinct.  Dragons enjoy a prominent position in European and Asian folklore and a new collection of short-stories seeks to breathe new fire into the dragon mythology. 

Soon to be released in a brand-new paperback edition, The Dragon Book features nineteen magical stories from the masters of modern fantasy.  Edited by Jack Dann and Garder Dozois, The Dragon Book includes stories from Garth Nix, Cecelia Holland, Diana Gabaldon (with Samuel Sykes), and Diana Wynne Jones, amongst other big names.

The Dragon Book is an excellent collection of stories and I was impressed by the invention and imagination of the authors.  None of these stories was typical and each story was full of twists and turns, humour and magic.  It was intriguing to discover how each author interpreted the subject and to read about nineteen different worlds, each with their own magic and unique dragons.

The Dragon Book began with “Dragon’s Deep” by Cecelia Holland, a tale of war, pillage and abduction set in a medieval fishing village.  It was followed by “Vici” by Naomi Novik which was set in ancient Rome.  Set in ancient times, both stories conformed to my traditional image of dragons as creatures of the past.

That was challenged by the funny and decidedly modern tales that followed.  Set in an Asian city, “Bob Choi’s Last Job” by Jonathan Stroud had the air of a hardboiled detective novel, while Kage Baker’s “Are You Afflicted by Dragons?” was set in a cheesy seaside hotel.

I had wanted to read The Dragon Book because I am a fan of Garth Nix and I wasn’t disappointed in his story “Stop!”  In just ten pages, Nix weaves a tale of an ancient and radioactive dragon that wreaks havoc at a military base and nuclear testing facility.  Not all of the stories were so short, however. 

At 36 pages, “The Tsar’s Dragons” by Jane Yolen and Adam Stemple was an intriguing tale set on the eve of the Russian Revolution, featuring none other than the Mad Monk, Rasputin.  It felt really long though and was a difficult story to plough through, although it was certainly worth it in the end.  Conversely, “Humane Killer” by Diana Gabaldon and Samuel Sykes was almost 60 pages long but it was much easier to read!  It was a crazy story about two pairs of misfits and outcasts (a magician and a dead knight, and a crusader and his heathen counterpart) that clash while trying to destroy a dragon.

My favourite story in the collection was “Ungentle Fire” by Sean Williams.  This was a story of a young dragon’s apprentice named Ros and his quest to reclaim his freedom and return to his true love.  It was a beautiful and lyrical story that absolutely captured my imagination.  I loved the setting of the canyon and the barren landscape and was astounded by the visualisation of dragons made of webs, dust, stone, water and cloud.  I will certainly be looking out for more of Sean Williams’ works.

“A Stark and Wormy Knight” by Tad Williams was a very cute take on the classic bedtime story, told my a dragon mother to her young child and special mention goes to the touching “JoBoy” by Diana Wynne Jones and “Puz_le” by Gregory Maguire.

I couldn’t possibly mention all of the stories but those were the ones that stood out for me.  It is the type of collection that is full of treasures and each reader is certain to find at least one or two favourites.  It is worth noting that this collection of stories is not suitable for younger readers and I would recommend it for readers aged twelve and over.

I had heard of many of the authors featured in this volume but had read pitifully few of their works.  That is certainly due to change now as each of the authors impressed me and I now have a to-read list longer than my arms.  I am certain that a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to make it through their works but I can certainly make a start!  I’ll also be looking up Jack Dann and Gardner Dozois’s other anthologies, such as Wizards and the upcoming Ghosts by Gaslight: Stories of Steampunk and Supernatural Suspense by Jack Dann and Nick Gevers.

This is a magical collection of stories and one that I am glad to have on my bookshelf.  The new paperback edition will be released by Anderson Press on May 5, 2011.

Buy The Dragon Book at Amazon.co.uk¦ Amazon.com

Article written by me and first published as Book Review: The Dragon Book edited by Jack Dann and Gardner Dozois on Blogcritics.

Music Video: Communards–“Disenchanted”

I'm feeling uninspired and uneasy today. It took me ages to think of a song to feature today.  I spent the whole week listening to The Bambi Molesters but I featured them last week so what was I to do?  When I realised I was essentially feeling disenchanted, I knew which song I had to feature.

I fell in love with the Communards in 1986.  Such was the depth of my obsession that my mother crafted a birthday cake emblazoned with the album cover of the Communards’ eponymous debut album.  The first single I fell in love with from the album was their cover of “Don’t Leave Me This Way”, but I loved “Disenchanted”, “So Cold The Night” and “You Are My World” too.  Twenty-five years feels like such a short time but it isn’t really.  I guess it is only fitting that I feature this song in my birthday week and I am quite certain the melancholy and disenchantment will lift shortly.

Blu-ray review: The Expendables (2010)

It was with a sense of great dismay that I noticed that our latest Blu-ray hire was The Expendables.  I cast a suspicious glance over to the other side of the room, hoping to skewer the guilty party on a death stare but then remembered that they promoted the hell out of this film.  Starring almost every action film alumnus from the past 20 years, perhaps The Expendables would surprise me and be good after all?  How bad could it be, right?  I was wrong.

Directed by Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables stars (wait for it) Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Randy Couture and Steve Austin with cameo appearances from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  They would just have needed Steven Segal and Jean-Claude Van Damme to make a full deck! 

The film didn’t start off too badly, I have to admit.  There was the scene with the Somali pirates getting blown to pieces (with commendable Doom-era graphics) and we established that Charisma Carpenter was in a relationship with a Bad Man.  Then Bruce Willis gives our Expendable Chief Stallone a secret mission in a scene featuring a bizarre but ultimately funny cameo from Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Schwarzenegger turns the job down and Stallone mentions that he wants to run for president and I thought ‘so far, so good’.  I appreciated the irony and the attempt at self-deprecating humour.

 

The film peaked when Stallone and Statham undertake a reconnaissance mission to the island of Vilena in the Gulf of Mexico.  The pair meet Sandra, the daughter of General Garza (David Zayas), the man they have been sent to assassinate and they have a run in with the general’s troops.  There are some more Doom-style graphics and gratuitous violence as the pair realise that their target is in fact ex-FBI man James Munroe and that they have been hired by the CIA to do their dirty work.  Sandra refuses to leave the island as the Expendable pair escape, blowing up the harbour in a massive display of mercenary mania (looks like she had the right idea) and then…

And then nothing.  It is as if the script writer handed in half a script and then went on a very long holiday.  So Sylvester Stallone took the script and thought, “okay, I know what to do with this.  I’ll, um, put in a bit where my character grows a pair and decides he has feelings for Sandra; I’ll let Statham beat up Charisma’s Bad man and his basketball team; and then I’ll send the Expendables back to Vilena to blow everyone up and save the day”.  And that is precisely what happens.  If you’re upset that I’ve given a massive spoiler away, then you have to ask yourself what exactly you were expecting from a film that stars every major action film alumnus from the past 20 years.

The extra features on the Blu-ray include a genuinely funny gag reel and a deleted scene that really would have added some value to the film if they’d left it in.  There was also an audio commentary, plus “making of” and post-production featurettes but I have to be honest and admit that I wasn’t invested enough in the film to bother watching those.  The same goes for the Lionsgate interactive features.  I found these interactive features to be a novelty a year ago but they are just pretty tiresome now.

The video production is superior and is encoded on a MPEG-4 AVC transfer, with 1080p resolution and 2.40:1 aspect ratio.  The picture really is crisp which can be problematic as it shows each and every little flaw on the faces of our aging actors.  Likewise, the audio was impressive with a lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 mix.  Given that the second half of the film is a relentless volley of explosions and gunfire, you’d need a decent audio mix to give you that in-theatre experience.

As I quite enjoyed the first half of the film, I’d give The Expendables 1.5 stars. 

If you really don’t trust me, you can buy The Expendables at Amazon.co.uk¦ Amazon.com